hide.

This feeling is all I can feel
There so much I know it has to be real
I can hear them laughing when I turn my back
I know it's me their laughing at
So many laugh and it's plain to see
They're not at fault, there's something wrong with me

This anger won't quit
It's for their kind and I know it
They've ruined my life, and one day they'll have to pay
Till then I must lie in wait
While they laugh and tease and alienate
They are not aware of the hate they create

I can feel it growing it inside my heart
And I know that hate sets me apart
Some say bullies are misunderstood
And that deep down people are 'good'
But I know it's a lie I know it's not true
and I know that childlike innocence dies when everyone laughs at you


I was just six when it all started
I was just a child when my heart parted
Into the sweet little girl that loved and obeyed
And the hurt, angry and screaming victim that bullies create

NESALINEE read this please...

"hey....wake up......wake up....your already late.......WAKE UP"

someones screaming at me.....

"WAKE UP"

ugh....go away.......

"WAKE UP ALREADY"

my mother?

"QUICKLY!!!!! i've got an exam this morning!"

my sister.....great (sarcasm)......

i drag my body out of bed...limp...limp...limp... i see the bathroom now....huh....i didnt sleep well last night. whatever. to troublesome worrying about it now anyway. i looked at myself in the mirror. i hate the way i look.

i walked back to my room slowly, limping alot. changed into the weird looking government uniform and took all my school things. walked down the stairs.....limp...limp...limp.

entered the car. traffic's bad. fantastic. mum's complaining about the driver's bad driving.....great. just what i need in the morning. " da...dammm.da...." i hate this song. it ticks me off......the melody is awful.....huh...headache..

im at school now. its late. IM late. my sister ran out. i slowly get out of the car. whats the point of running we're already late. i enter the school and get to class.
im late for 1st period. great. it was raining outside...its cold. my hands are frozen from walking up here...

---^---^---^---^---^---^^^^^----^^^^^^----^^^^^^^----^

IT HURTS.....my heart hurts....

STOP

okay im fine now.

^^^^^^^

my hand hurts.

"whats wrong?"

"nothing"

"you sure? you look pale today. you okay?"

"i told you, im fine"

". . ."

"my hand just hurts a little thats all"

"oh... *smile*. im glad then"

"YOU....your evil"

she laughs at me. her hair, her smile, her. she has it all yet she doesnt believe me when i tell her. humble. thats also another good characteristic. when she smiles her true smile (which normally comes with laughter) her face has a calm yet passionate shape. her eyes hinge up to make a gentle smile. her smile, a big grin. her eyelashes brush her cheeks. her hair, in 3 different locks. i can remember all this because.......well its because shes special....

but....

shes in pain. she tells me shes dying everyday. doesnt she realize im already dead? does she realize im a curved mirror reflecting her? reflecting the opposite. or does she think im a reflection of her? a painting. unable to move or act. i wish....i wish....i WOULD... i would help her.but.... i cant even help myself. shes dying but im already dead.

does she realize, two graves have already been dug?

to those of you who dont understand the story (which i guarantee will be ALOT) this is, in short, what im trying to say. nesa, you are my best friend. you are the best best friend ever born. im sorry if i made you sad or anything. i promise, that no matter what happens, ill try, to finish all our troubles together. we are in this life together. i got your back, buddy!

ALSO,I AND/OR NESALINEE ARE NOT LESBIAN IN ANYWAY. WE ARE ONLY BEST FRIENDS AND NOTHING ELSE. NO LESBIAN MATERIAL INTENDED. thank you! :)

a bird in a cage

I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his—chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, let me go

im in love with a murder

realize.
realize how i hate you.
realize how i love you.
realize how much will power it toke me.
to say those 3 words.

im regret saying those 3 words. but you dont know that.
i hurt. you hurt.
but time has passed.
and you have healed.
and i am still broken.

i remain that way for so long.
because time is longer when your in pain.
i said what i didnt mean.
i wrote what i didnt mean.
you saw what i didnt mean.

and you believed.

i cut my tongue.
you wont see the mark or pain.
i hid it.
but i bleeds.
everytime you look at me.
it doesnt hurt.
but now everything i eat is...

tasteless....

i said those 3 words when what i meant to say is...
i love you.

im sorry.

i dont hate you at all.
i hate myself.
for loving you.
but ill heal.
when you go to hell.

*this is NOT copyrighted.*

black eyed peas

obsessed

im not perasan i just like this song so im gonna post this for fun. but its not emo.
*sob*

I was like, "Why are you so obsessed with me?"
So oh oh oh oh
So oh oh oh oh
So oh oh oh oh
So oh oh oh oh
Will the real MC please, step to the mike?

So oh oh oh oh
So oh oh oh oh
So oh oh oh oh
So oh oh oh oh
All up in the blogs
Saying we met at the bar
When I don't even know who you are
Saying we up in your house
Saying I'm up in your car
But you in LA and I'm out at Jermaine's.
I'm up in the A
You so so lame
and no one here even mentions your name
It must be the weed. It must be the E
Cause you be popping hood
You get it popping, Oh

Why you so obsessed with me (Boy I wanna know)
Lying that you're sexing me (when everybody knows)
It's clear that you're upset with me
Finally found a girl that you couldn't impress
Last man on the earth still couldn't hit this
You're delusional, you're delusional
Boy you're losing your mind
It's confusing yo, you're confused you know
Why you wasting your time
Got you all fired up with your Napoleon complex
Seeing right through you like you're bathing in Windex
Boy why you so obsessed with me?

MIA!

LOL LOL LOL! mia! mia! mia! PLEASE go to this web site! LOL!
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/424325

it is SUPER FUNNEH! PLEASE GO CHECK IT OUT!

mia, nesa, fazlul (READ THIS)

huh....tomoroe i will have to drag myself out of bed (again) and dress up in the world's most hideous uniform ever (again) and fight with the rush of everyday life and pretend to be happy and energetic.....

that is until i see them....then i can become myself (again) lazy, tired and sloopy but never the less still smiling. this time with real happy-ness you can see the truth in my eyes. all sorrow breaks lose cause i see them...my best friends.

i will run to them as SLOW as possible to get a top view of my life savers. then (i bet) nesa will smile with ever lasting happy-ness and suddently the room seems brighter, fazlul will smile her usual side smile and scream because of the stress of the up coming projek...and my favourite for last...mia will set the laughter on with her humor (mostly swearing) and i bet i WILL laugh. suddently, everything just seems better.
thank you, mia, nesa and fazlul. I LOVE YOU (as friends) sorry i meant (as BEST FRIENDS)

for you

I HATE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO ME
THE PAIN YOU MADE ME FEEL
WHY CAN'T YOU JUST SIMPLY SEE?
THAT ALL OF THIS IS REAL
BETRAYL, TORMENT I MUST ABIDE
YOUR RULES LIVE THROUGHOUT MY VEINS
THESE LAWS WILL END ONCE YOU HAVE DIED
AND I WILL BE RID OF ALL THIS PAIN
I CAN'T BELIVE I USED TO LOVE YOU
THAT AT ONE POINT I ACTUALLY CARED
NOW ALL THESE EMOTIONS AND GONE AND FLEW
TO THE PLACE THAT WE HAVE DARED
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?
YOU RAN AWAY WITH MY PRIDE
WHY CAN'T WE JUST AGREE?
FOR NOW MY SOUL HAS DIED
I'LL COME BACK
MY PRIDE WILL JOIN ME TOO
I MUST MAKE MY FINAL ATTACK
THE ONE WITHOUT PRIDE IS YOU
HAVE YOU NO SHAME FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE?
THESE WOUNDS WILL NEVER HEAL
DID YOU THINK IT WAS ALL FOR FUN?
WITH HATE THESE WOUNDS WILL SEAL
LOOK AT ME
MAKE SURE THIS IS FOR REAL
FOR ONCE I'M GONE YOU SEE...
YOU FATE WILL BE SEALED
YOU RIPPED OUT MY HEART
YOU JACKED MY PRIDE
A MIRACULOUS FORM OF YOUR DEADLY ART
THESE DEEDS YOU'VE DONE WILL ALL COLLIDE
AND FROM THIS MOMENT ON
YOU WILL BE DRASTICALLY FACED
WITH THE FACT THAT I'M GONE?
OR SIMPLY MISPLACED
BUT THERE IS ONE THING I KNOW
ONE THING THAT IS CERTAIN
THAT THIS IS MY SHOW
FOR YOU I'VE CLOSED THE CURTAIN
YOU HAVE NOTHING LEFT
FOR I WILL AVENGE MYSELF
THE POUNDING SILENCE WILL BRING YOU DEFT
YOUR WEAKNESSES I WILL FIND WITH STEALTH
THEN START LAUGHING AT YOU
WHILE YOU BURN IN HELL
ARE THESE WORDS, ARE THEY TRUE?
OR SIMPLY THE WORDS OF A GIRL WHO HAS FELL
THESE STATEMENTS OF HATE
FLY LIKE A DOVE
PERHAPS ITS TOO LATE?
TO SAY YOUR THE ONE I LOVE

link~!

hey there, this is accually a message to my besties, mia, fazlul and nesa!
i was just cheacking out deviantart when i found some really cool flashs and these 3 flashs remind me of you guys! please check them out! I MISS YOU GUYS! ♥

mia;
http://artbit.deviantart.com/art/A-Short-Story-About-Love-40090777

its an emo story, i thought you might like it. its the emo-est!

nesa;
http://nch85.deviantart.com/art/4-friends-and-a-fly-7141619

its a story about a fly! its really really funny! WATCH IT!

fazlul;
http://arechan.deviantart.com/art/waffle-51254862

the begining is kinda boring but the ending is hilarious! check it out! i bet you'll love it...the name of it is waffle

my twbute to my very best friends! ♥

this is a tribute to my most funniest bestie in the world who ALWAYS manages to make me laugh;
mia ♥



this is also for mia. I COULDNT RESIST! ♥ ♥ ♥



this is for my almost TOO honest bestie and the person who sits next to me in class;
nesalinee ♥



to my very truthful friend who has always manage to ejek me and still look good;
fazlul ♥

WARNING: you people who are NOT mia, nesa or fazlul may NOT understand why i put up these special pictures. so....go figure. also, TO mia fazlul and nesa, please dont take the placing of you names seriously cos i love you all the same (not lesbian)! I MISS YOU! ♥

whats inside

something so bold....



is so weak...

*emo*

skats

i guess mia is right, cats are KINDA cute.

I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

food! UM!

window from hope....

why cant you see me?

the perfect stranger

Turn Around
Turn Around and fix your eye in my direction
So there is a connection
I can't speak
I can't make a sound to somehow capture your attention
I'm staring at perfection
Take a look at me so you can see
How beautiful you are

You call me a stranger
You say I'm a danger
But all these thoughts are leaving you tonight
I'm broke and abandoned
You are an angel
Making all my dreams come true tonight

I'm confident
But I can't pretend I wasn't terrified to meet you
I knew you could see right through me
I saw my life flash right before my very eyes
And I knew just what we'd turn into
I was hopeing that you could see
Take a look at me so you can see

TO: my best friend, nesa, you are my perfect stranger.

goldfish

something that seems so beautiful could be so fragile...

weird